


I am not okay

by Blackat19



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: M/M, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Unresolved Romantic Tension, and sykkuno is suffering, corpse and sykkuno are friends, i'm projecting heavily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackat19/pseuds/Blackat19
Summary: Well he was always spiraling but tonight was the worst it’s been in a while. The demons in his head were screaming at him, the wall he built in his mind no longer keeping out their screeches, their words poisoning his brain the louder they got.
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 135





	I am not okay

**Author's Note:**

> So this is me heavily projecting, i haven't been in a good place recently and I've hated myself for wearing a mask and acting like i'm fine. Potential tw as it does talk about wanting to die but no actual harm or suicide but stay safe just in case. 
> 
> I recommend listening to this song as it was my muse and heavily relatable
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTtucss80tc
> 
> Remember the drill, don't show this to the cc's or their friends, this is a safe space and one that i don't want to lose because people are pushy.

Sykkuno was spiraling

Well he was always spiraling but tonight was the worst it’s been in a while. The demons in his head were screaming at him, the walls he built in his mind no longer keeping out their screeches, their words poisoning his brain the louder they got.

He wished he was streaming, that he was in front of someone,  _ anyone.  _ A reason to put on his mask, to joke and laugh, trolling his friends and blocking out the monsters until he was alone again.

_ ‘Burden’ _

‘ _ Worthless’ _

‘ _ Idiot’ _

_ ‘They just pity you, no one actually cares about you.’ _

Sykkuno curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor, silently crying as he let his mind attack him, begging for anyone,  _ someone _ , please help. He had so many things he wanted to finally let free, wanted to tell someone how some days he didn’t want to get out of bed, he wanted to simply lay there and hope his eyes never opened, how he never touched a blade or had a scar mar his skin but would daydream about making a deep enough cut and let go of the tether keeping him on this realm.

He remembers when he was in high school, telling a therapist who had to tell his parents and then be told he was in trouble for being an attention seeker. He had everything, he had a roof over his head, clothes on his back, good grades, going to a great college and here he was, crying like an ungrateful child having a tantrum.

Ever since then he kept quiet, despite having so much he wanted to say he was reserved, never wanting to be judged for feeling the way he was again.

He wanted so badly for someone to reach out, ask him what’s wrong, wanted the words that he choked on daily to finally dislodge and vomit them up like poison purging from his body.

But he never felt more alone, how many times had lily, rae, toast, hell even corpse ask what was wrong even if it was asked jokingly and he brushed it off, too afraid and hiding behind his mask, so used to choking on the venom that sat in his throat, ready to finally be his undoing if he opened up. 

He was brought out of thoughts as his phone rang and he made a little noise of confusion because  _ it was 4:24 in the _ morning! He got up, walking back into his bedroom and one glance at his phone on his night stand had him relaxing because there was only one person who  _ would  _ call this late (early) at night (in the morning). 

He answered without hesitation.

“Hey corpse.”

His voice was soft, quiet but it didn’t crack and sykkuno cried out in his head, wanting corpse to see that he wasn’t- that he needed something to hold onto.

  
  


“Hey sykkuno. I-I hope i’m not bothering you but I-I-”

“Hey, it’s fine corpse. I’m always available when you need me.”

The line was quiet for a moment and Sykkuno wanted to fill it, to finally let out what had been bothering him but just as he opened his mouth, corpse spoke and he quickly closed it, mask firmly in place and thoughts locked securely behind his walls.

“Thanks sykkuno, i know i can always count on you”

“Anytime corpse”

_ ‘It’s fine, I’m not okay but it’s just another night of wanting to die. It’ll be fine in the morning, it won’t kill you to wait.’ _

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are welcome but this was for me, if you didn't like it, you shouldn't have read it.


End file.
